tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65894362906417890182024-03-13T18:05:42.205+00:00The Moon on a StickLunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-11589799029942896962013-02-06T12:09:00.002+00:002013-02-06T12:09:20.798+00:00Wordpress moveJust in case anyone missed my last post I wanted to tell you the reason things are quiet round here is because I have moved to wordpress.....<br />
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<a href="http://themoononastickplease.wordpress.com/">http://themoononastickplease.wordpress.com/</a><br />
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<br />Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-76251237277176138212013-02-01T17:13:00.000+00:002013-02-01T17:13:46.200+00:00Jumping Ship<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI5Cf8S4Xhe0VYuUxR0fvq7ttx3v5ZAeKjr1-8xfJkI2BlBj-O_kO5GUs8X59APbamblpPjk4cJDih2towq_GZ6CYUk0-9JRm4YcRrp0RMuncJzQvjaXSVexfK-FfHhQYVnHHi-sDYWtc/s1600/il_570xN.336252211.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI5Cf8S4Xhe0VYuUxR0fvq7ttx3v5ZAeKjr1-8xfJkI2BlBj-O_kO5GUs8X59APbamblpPjk4cJDih2towq_GZ6CYUk0-9JRm4YcRrp0RMuncJzQvjaXSVexfK-FfHhQYVnHHi-sDYWtc/s320/il_570xN.336252211.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/99409749/pirate-ship-stencil-wall-stencil-bedroom?ref=sr_gallery_12&ga_search_query=pirate+ship&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=pirate+ship">via Etsy</a></td></tr>
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The lovely Jenny at <a href="http://aboutsproutblog.wordpress.com/">Sprout</a> has inspired me. I am jumping ship on blogger and heading over to wordpress. I want to be able to share photos of my life with you but I am only comfortable doing that on private posts. I do so very much hope you will all hop on over and join me. It will mean, I hope, that I can open up a little more than I feel comfortable doing currently. I do apologise for you all having to chase me round and round. I plan on staying in my next spot for good!!! <div>
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My new blog address is: <a href="http://themoononastickplease.wordpress.com/">http://themoononastickplease.wordpress.com/</a> I am afraid it is not quite as pretty as this one, but we can work on that! </div>
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I will put a reminder here the first few times I post on the new blog just in case someone misses this. </div>
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On to the next adventure........</div>
Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-89497971975803197602013-01-29T16:43:00.002+00:002013-01-29T16:45:56.258+00:00call and response<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0oGKzFoFEqIxhH4t7M1RueHviMlDlDk_BYRG0Is0GzdS6_Voq_nBUgSqB6jB0qWManwFf6Gl7NUWoOPkgoEfTKbh8Ryf3_uwDI_IqYH34lqGjLcWsmKYzEtiqR4szt4BYCFQJ1M6et6o/s1600/il_570xN.337204043.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0oGKzFoFEqIxhH4t7M1RueHviMlDlDk_BYRG0Is0GzdS6_Voq_nBUgSqB6jB0qWManwFf6Gl7NUWoOPkgoEfTKbh8Ryf3_uwDI_IqYH34lqGjLcWsmKYzEtiqR4szt4BYCFQJ1M6et6o/s320/il_570xN.337204043.jpg" width="164" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/99893632/animal-photography-lamb-sheep-fine-art?ref=sr_gallery_23&ga_search_query=lamb+sheep&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=lamb+sheep">via Etsy</a></td></tr>
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The Dog Star and I were on our daily walk yesterday, around a local wood which borders fields, getting absolutely soaked in the rain when I heard one of my favourite sounds.<br />
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That tiny wobbly high pitched bleat followed by a rumbling baritone mumble.<br />
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Sirius and I peered over the hedge and there they were. Mummies and babies calling to each other. "Mummy, are you there" "Yes, I am here". Proud ewes and their day or so old lambs. It always surprises me how early they come. I don't expect them until spring.<br />
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Sirius wanted to get in there and sniff them and play with them and chase them more than anything in the known world so I steered her away and we carried on with our walk.<br />
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I could still hear them in the distance though. Calling and responding.<br />
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Love contained in two utterly unique sounds. Sounds that mean nothing at all to one creature and mean all the world to another. Such beautiful and special sounds.<br />
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I want to hear my own babies special sound, the one that is just for me. I want to hear my baby call me and I want so badly to respond.Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-79359934839933937872013-01-23T17:47:00.002+00:002013-01-23T17:47:45.547+00:00another update and an odd decisionFirst of all, you are all gorgeous and beautiful and your words of support and advice mean the world to me. Thank you so much.<br />
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Last night I had one of the worst nights sleep I have had in a long while. My heart ached and my soul felt shattered and I just could not settle. Remus is getting up so early at the moment and getting home so late he needs every ounce of sleep and I can't bear to keep him up so I took myself off to the spare bedroom, made a cocoon of the duvet and buried myself in a Harry Potter book. I cried for a while, read for a while and then tossed and turned in half sleep for a while. I woke up, thought it was morning and felt so wretched that I needed to be with Remus. I crawled back into bed with him and sobbed onto his shoulder for a while. It turned out it was only three in the morning and I could not stop crying so after a long cuddle I went back to the spare room and repeated my previous attempts to calm down and sleep. Phew, what a mess. It doesn't help that today I woke up to CD1. The sad got me big time.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQxBoux6OHI1yV-29wgGnPQXbiGCzM9MYYanyWAuPrIxVWFhY5kIQROIgwwxe8CHxuWcDfvyWRFFBfPXkaoSXbTwukQnpDNC9lJaydstnD3pcNLcSmR60K-UQDHZ5I4_pJcLUidCPMeUc/s1600/il_570xN.400235594_9u9k.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQxBoux6OHI1yV-29wgGnPQXbiGCzM9MYYanyWAuPrIxVWFhY5kIQROIgwwxe8CHxuWcDfvyWRFFBfPXkaoSXbTwukQnpDNC9lJaydstnD3pcNLcSmR60K-UQDHZ5I4_pJcLUidCPMeUc/s320/il_570xN.400235594_9u9k.jpg" width="255" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/116221665/things-are-looking-up-print-8x10?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_query=things+are+looking+up&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=GB&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=things+are+looking+up">via Etsy</a></td></tr>
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Anyhoo, all that said I actually have great news and I am feeling much much better. I was advised from several quarters (thank you ladies) to periodically call and see if there were cancellations we could nab. I called at about three today and I spoke to a very lovely and helpful lady who had a really good look through the system for another appointment. There were none at all and she said that they rarely get cancellations for this type of appointment... HOWEVER... I then told her the reason I was concerned was that my period was due two days after the appointment that we do have. She immediately said, 'but that is perfect'! If I wasn't on the phone I would have kissed her. She assures me that the fact I am only a couple of days from CD1 will not mean that we cant use the cycle, she is certain that the bloods and other tests that need to be done will be sorted in time to use this cycle for treatment. I am so so happy. It looks like we will get a shot at this in late February/early March.</div>
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I am realistic, I know this treatment may not, in fact statistically it probably wont, work. I am and will be well prepared for that eventuality and I intend to chant my usual<i> hope for the best prepare for the worst</i> mantra. But..... but..... I will be doing something. Remus and I will have a chance to make a baby again, a chance that it might work, that we might get pregnant. I just want to know we are in with a shot, because so far the last few months have not felt like that at all. I have totally given up on the idea of a baby made in our marital bed and that is ok, I have mourned that and let it go. I don't care how many people are in the room staring up my foof as I am eventually impregnated, I just don't care any more, bring on the legs akimbo utterly unsexy baby making. Lets just at least try to make a baby. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHanLQE5qQtd-R6DR8x1OMqSMBah19AzaOjoo61BWA-5IFo4Cvq1KxwLA5oaogY3oxkWL7Q0_3xIyPyGwHaef18esHLZMVrBvrR1710Qh9U8cOWXc_XmV5M-nc9UxL-l8N9pbK0gL8PLY/s1600/il_570xN.397520726_62bl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHanLQE5qQtd-R6DR8x1OMqSMBah19AzaOjoo61BWA-5IFo4Cvq1KxwLA5oaogY3oxkWL7Q0_3xIyPyGwHaef18esHLZMVrBvrR1710Qh9U8cOWXc_XmV5M-nc9UxL-l8N9pbK0gL8PLY/s320/il_570xN.397520726_62bl.jpg" width="237" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/115593330/k-is-for-kangaroo-5x7-art-print?ref=sr_gallery_1&sref=sr_e260913f591da70664ae05e5a26df911154b9fc7adcb116fd675089e51ce5830_1358960297_14089575_kangaroo&ga_search_query=kangaroo&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=GB&ga_page=2&ga_search_type=all">via Etsy</a></td></tr>
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In other news, I made an odd decision. </div>
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I have a gazillion cousins, most of whom are girls and all of whom I see at least once every year. We are quite close as cousins go and even though we are spreading out around the country we put lots of effort into staying in touch and catching up. This year we have not one but two weddings and the hen-do's that go along with them. Two new dresses and four occasions to have a laugh with my home girls, hooray!</div>
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The first hen-do (that is a like bachelorette party btw) is in a couple of months and it is for my cousin who is a vet in training. She loves all things animal and we are spending the day at a wildlife park and have all been asked to choose a different animal to come as. Without even thinking about it I baggsied Kangaroo for my animal. I have always loved them, although I would not have said they were my favourite animal. It just popped out. "I want to come as a Kangaroo" I heard my mouth say. Then I thought, that will be an easy costume, ears, tail, apron with a pocket and a stuffed toy, sorted. Plus I am a bouncy kinda girl, I will enjoy that.</div>
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Then a day later the penny suddenly dropped. I had picked am animal that would mean I was carrying around a baby in a pouch all day. I had chosen an animal that could not have screamed wants to be a mother or desperate to be pregnant harder if I had tried. My initial reaction was ack, I can't go as a kangaroo any more. But then the more I thought about it the more I still wanted to. To quote the film 'If you build it, they will come', perhaps I need to manifest this. I need to give into this impulse and hope that it brings me luck. What do you all think? Am I crazy not to change? Will it be too painful or will I be able to embrace it as a way to will my real little Joeys into existence? I went ahead and ordered a stuffed toy Joey and it arrived today and is gorgeous. Am I over thinking a silly dressing up costume? Yes, probably but there you go. Sometimes my mouth makes decisions for me without asking my brain first, but maybe that just means I jump in to things I wouldn't otherwise. At least I get to play at being a mummy for the day if nothing else. </div>
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OK the crazy is over for today. Love to you all my bloggy peeps x x x</div>
<br />Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-31470808839069990772013-01-21T12:32:00.000+00:002013-01-21T14:22:21.785+00:00peeps out and waves *UPDATE*I am still here, I promise. I am sorry for being a somewhat absent blogger at the moment.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqMty57yLjFRoRzg_QBYojMzalL5LQ7j2_b9pKFzU4H6ZyPEoUhebxK8dCrA26btSNnlYULWE9wlxl8tK7ifUrBptOlj8pZkaIXZcJXsy6YyA3Ypkb85cmv8z_oHVbRdrXv5cwKDjOgQ4/s1600/il_570xN.275733623.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqMty57yLjFRoRzg_QBYojMzalL5LQ7j2_b9pKFzU4H6ZyPEoUhebxK8dCrA26btSNnlYULWE9wlxl8tK7ifUrBptOlj8pZkaIXZcJXsy6YyA3Ypkb85cmv8z_oHVbRdrXv5cwKDjOgQ4/s320/il_570xN.275733623.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/83160944/polar-bear-in-hibernation-art-print-8x10?ref=sr_gallery_7&ga_search_query=hibernation&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=GB&ga_ref=auto1&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=hibernation">via Etsy</a></td></tr>
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I am hibernating. That is my excuse.<br />
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Mostly I have not blogged because there is just nothing to say, I had hoped that by going private things would move a little faster, no luck to far. Nearly two weeks later and I am still waiting for my clinic appointment time to come in the post. I am going to call them today if we still have not heard.<br />
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Sirius and I (and Remus when he is not working) have been loving the snow though, we have been taking long long walks just enjoying the beautiful white world we are suddenly surrounded with. Other than walks though, I have no energy for anything. I have been ticking over, not really doing much at all. I am not sure this is entirely good for me, but it is a hard rut to clamber out of.<br />
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'The Sad' seems to have caught me a bit. Not the wailing sobbing gut-wrenching kind, but the soft quiet plodding through the day kind. I find this harder because it lingers longer and seems to dig in deeper.<br />
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I am sitting here at the moment awaiting my delightful period, which should be joining me by Thursday. Hoo-flipping-ra. What I really want to do right now is fuck off on a holiday. But we are spending the ski holiday money on attempted baby making.<br />
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My goodness, I just read this back, I am sorry my lovelies, not exactly a bundle of laughs today am I? I need to get my boots on and go for another snowey tramp in the woods.<br />
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P.S. I am seriously considering a move over to wordpress so I can do private posts and let you in a little to the real me. I want to be able to blog without censoring myself so much. Anyway I am looking into it.... watch this space......<br />
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<br /><br />*UPDATE*<br /><br />I am so fed up with this SHIT. So, I couldn't wait for the post so I called to see why my letter has not come. It seems that they had interpreted my consultants letter as saying we were waiting for the NHS funding to come through and they were waiting for US TO CONTACT THEM. This was in no way what I was told to do by my doctor at the last appointment. So now I have missed out on the chance of an appointment this month and they don't have a space until February 19th which due to my cycle will put us back a whole other month to a March start. I am utterly gutted and upset and I just don't know what to do. I can't trust anything or anyone. I feel like the entire burden for this is on me and if I don't hassle all the time I am forgotten about and abandoned. The weight of this is drowning me. It is so exhausting. It shouldn't be like this. Even after this initial 19th app I will still have to have bloods taken, wait for them to come back, learn about injections, get hold of the meds etc etc etc and as my cycle is around the 25th of the month there is no way we can start end of Feb. That means two months minimum before we are close to actually getting started. I can't take this any more. Two more months, three more months, six more months, that is all I have heard for the last year and a half. We have been fighting for a baby now for over eighteen months and I am shattered, exhausted and feeling so alone. I am all on my own right now and so sad. I wish Remus was home right now.</div>
Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-5749693544479867592013-01-14T14:19:00.002+00:002013-01-14T14:26:02.090+00:00Serious and SiriusVisiting the home of a three week old 'whoopise' baby to be told by her parents that the money we are spending on IUI would be best spent, and I quote:<br />
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"on a holiday somewhere nice, have lots of sex and relax".<br />
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That is my favourite, that is. Remus very wisely said that if something is not useful I should just let it go. I find it so hard though, that kind of ignorant and ill thought out statement really hurts me. It feels laced with this subtle accusation that we are somehow causing our own infertility. I sucked it up however and got on with the visit.<br />
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Cuddling the baby, however, was really truly lovely.<br />
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Strangely I don't get remotely broody over other peoples babies like I used to before TCC. I enjoy having a smooch and a squee but I am acutely aware that it is not my baby, the one I so desperately want. I find babies much easier to handle and be around than bumps somehow. The baby is a little person, but not my little person, and I just enjoy saying hi, but the bump represents all of this potential, all of this magic that I want to experience so badly.<br />
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Seeing Remus cuddling said baby, now that makes me broody as hell.<br />
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Good grief aren't feelings complicated old things.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sirius the Dog Star<br />
<a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/119614346/stuffed-scotty-dog-blue-teal-flannel?ref=sr_gallery_43&ga_search_query=dog+star&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=GB&ga_page=2&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=dog+star">via Etsy</a></td></tr>
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To answer the lovely <a href="http://ladyblogalot.com/">Lady Blogalots</a> question on my last post, the names on this blog were not originally or intentionally Harry Potter references. It is just a wonderful coincidence. I am, I admit, a massive HP fan, but my own pseudonym was in reference to the blog name, Moon on a Stick, Moon = Luna. Then, when coming up with a name for my husband I was thinking of moon related things, thought of wolves, werewolves and Remus Lupin popped into my head (he is my absolute favourite character). It did not even register that Luna was also a character in HP until later. Then when naming the dog I was thinking night sky related thoughts, moon, star, dog-star, Sirius. That time I did think, ho-ho, more HP but really I think it just goes to show great minds think alike. Me and JK, we are like peas and carrots.<br />
<br />Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-34941455265585725442013-01-09T16:47:00.002+00:002013-01-09T16:53:23.886+00:00Nearly Wordless Wednesday<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Winter Walk<br />
(the observant amongst you may notice the first glimpse on this blog of Sirius, my adored mutt)</td></tr>
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<br />Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-36984605276428474972013-01-08T16:58:00.001+00:002013-01-08T16:58:03.195+00:00Awww you guys...<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP60rvDYC3wetDt0rIgXUPLQMy1YwpndM2kngmr7ucsBUTjSto0nA18rfDPWg6BYNwrQg3KaG40ti4uI96l5BLgc13gxArDjCnAVn7mb7w5rMbksq4fTc1MMDNWz8mE-HuIQcUSQ8Jmhc/s1600/il_570xN.313062357.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP60rvDYC3wetDt0rIgXUPLQMy1YwpndM2kngmr7ucsBUTjSto0nA18rfDPWg6BYNwrQg3KaG40ti4uI96l5BLgc13gxArDjCnAVn7mb7w5rMbksq4fTc1MMDNWz8mE-HuIQcUSQ8Jmhc/s320/il_570xN.313062357.jpg" width="234" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/62217448/friendship-sisters-painting-art-print?ref=sr_gallery_14&ga_search_query=friendship&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=GB&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade%2Fartfriendship">via Etsy</a></td></tr>
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<br />
<br />
You are just the best. I felt like I had you all on my shoulder whispering advice and support all the way through my appointment. I just love the wealth of experience and care I can draw on here and I love that you are all out there wishing me well. I am feeling all warm and fuzzy.<br />
<br />
So anyway Luna, stop waffling and tell these fine ladies how it all went.<br />
<br />
Firstly, as I suspected it was mostly an appointment about okaying my treatment plan and in the end it was pretty broad. We didn't get into the nitty gritty but I have stored up all of your great questions for when I go to the clinic to be signed up with them and when I meet the treatment team.<br />
<br />
It looks like if we pay for two IUI's and both fail we will be able to use our NHS funding for one round of IVF. I don't have that in writing but it is likely. I hope I never need to find out.<br />
<br />
We will be doing an IUI and it will be using Menopur with an Ovidrel trigger. They will monitor with ultrasounds and it will be at the clinic near us that I really like. That is all I know currently. Our consultant now writes to the clinic with his instructions for our treatment and they will call me to make an appointment to sort out all the legal and technical stuff like learning to inject myself (aaaaaggghhh). I am hoping Remus will be able to do that though. Because of the time these things will take we may miss the February cycle but that is ok, March will be here before we know it and we certainly should be up and running by then. The consultant suggested we do two rounds of IUI and if they fail move right on with IVF which is scary, but proactive which I like. Because of the funding issues it makes the most sense.<br />
<br />
The trust I have in this clinic and this man is great, I feel like I am in totally safe hands. With all of your wonderful advice I felt like I went in forearmed for anything and I am glad I have such a comprehensive list of questions for the clinic when I go there in a week or two. Yipeeeee, we may actually be moving in a forward type direction.<br />
<br />
I can't wait for Remus to get home so I can give him a massive hug. This was the first time he could not make an appointment with me and even though it was a nice one I really missed him being there and being part of what was going on.<br />
<br />
So, what do I need to know about Menopur and Ovidrel?<br />
<br />
I love being part of the sisterhood, thank you for having me. You all rock so flipping much. Hugs my friends.Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-35168944491440074872013-01-07T14:30:00.000+00:002013-01-07T14:30:18.796+00:00Advice on IUI questions? <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjejSV0_LumAKjJ-hHQ5_nw8wN8x0xonNfdpdb9BczpC37FKgtIUctRHzYusMPDAzGWsl1mI3l1vKJVFrzfbEYswvHSffbYqIb8uIj6BvPEko6aaImvEosVTW10bwzp-q9imVTiNwMEkn0/s1600/il_570xN.380418275_pczr.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjejSV0_LumAKjJ-hHQ5_nw8wN8x0xonNfdpdb9BczpC37FKgtIUctRHzYusMPDAzGWsl1mI3l1vKJVFrzfbEYswvHSffbYqIb8uIj6BvPEko6aaImvEosVTW10bwzp-q9imVTiNwMEkn0/s320/il_570xN.380418275_pczr.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/110911836/12-piece-set-groomsman-card-will-you-be?ref=sr_gallery_7&ga_search_query=questions&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=GB&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmadequestions">via Etsy</a></td></tr>
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This is a call out to all of you experienced IUI ladies out there.<br />
<br />
I am due to have my private appointment with my consultant tomorrow and I was wondering if there were any questions I should be asking or any information I should be looking out for. I am equal parts excited and nervous to take this next step.<br />
<br />
My uber-fertile sister told me yesterday that they will be trying for number two in February, so I will be on the look out for an announcement in May of a late Autumn baby. She sweetly said 'maybe we can be pregnant together'. I appreciate the sentiment but what I heard was 'I will be pregnant, join in if you can.' She, of course, will be pregnant, and I suspect there is a high chance she will be the only one. Hey ho. I appreciate the warning though, I now have time to get used to the idea of being lapped and can gird my loins for her pregnancy.<br />
<br />
Anyhoo, back to my original point, any thoughts? I will appreciate any experience you have to offer.Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-74235520862307657612013-01-05T14:47:00.002+00:002013-01-05T14:47:25.420+00:00We are Mermaids<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyebRC_q40AfmHliRPLjObTwLAYnOyMzj_KzGUvxQ6WJANcnlQ4FeIfOBXBUDD6f7qJqJk7cginXj0wjTDlaZb9wrL47WWkJtgy_XPHuVQelIBjoYTAVWFQ4UTAGqhkh1LHYkcuTdDwjs/s1600/il_570xN.381634820_74er.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyebRC_q40AfmHliRPLjObTwLAYnOyMzj_KzGUvxQ6WJANcnlQ4FeIfOBXBUDD6f7qJqJk7cginXj0wjTDlaZb9wrL47WWkJtgy_XPHuVQelIBjoYTAVWFQ4UTAGqhkh1LHYkcuTdDwjs/s320/il_570xN.381634820_74er.jpg" width="247" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/111251907/the-little-mermaid-by-the-french-artist?ref=sr_gallery_4&sref=sr_61f87374aca9fcfb59ebfba4d3f992ea26487c028f4fe3666916c4de628ad614_1357396954_14323637_mermaid&ga_search_query=the+little+mermaid&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=GB&ga_ref=auto1&ga_search_type=all">via Etsy</a></td></tr>
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<br />
Sometimes there are blog posts that cut so deeply to the truth, the pain and the acute tragedy of infertility that I wish I could collect them up and put them in a book. I would then give the book to anyone who was in the life of an infertile person in the hope these beautifully sad words could help then go a little way to understanding the journey their friend, child or loved one is going through.<br />
<br />
These are two such posts.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://submerged.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/cycle-21-cd-23ish.html">http://submerged.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/cycle-21-cd-23ish.html</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://jjiraffe.wordpress.com/2013/01/04/submerged/">http://jjiraffe.wordpress.com/2013/01/04/submerged/</a><br />
<br />
Tutti's picture, and her exploration of what it signifies, is one of the most poignant things that I have encountered whilst blogging and the analogy of infertility to the story of the little mermaid that jjiraffe makes is painfully perfect. I am a mermaid, we are mermaids. It makes so much sense.<br />
<br />
<br />Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-49601740920780483562013-01-02T15:47:00.001+00:002013-01-02T15:58:00.180+00:00more of that sort please<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMpyCVtWpBLag38O-Y926ynhVNsipQjCkgSDiSmlW_CmrrB3gqiYabXrdNKyWxXNbM3usaPzGAABP3iDQGhLR0oMenqbCLlT1grN4AKqvHlMto8JQlDLLa8wqoQoTks_Yb_dswC_qJy3c/s1600/il_570xN.361188179_h3t3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMpyCVtWpBLag38O-Y926ynhVNsipQjCkgSDiSmlW_CmrrB3gqiYabXrdNKyWxXNbM3usaPzGAABP3iDQGhLR0oMenqbCLlT1grN4AKqvHlMto8JQlDLLa8wqoQoTks_Yb_dswC_qJy3c/s320/il_570xN.361188179_h3t3.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/105648498/pollyanna-a-bit-of-gladness-bottle-of?ref=sr_gallery_10&ga_search_query=pollyanna&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=GB&ga_ref=auto1&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=pollyanna">via Etsy</a></td></tr>
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<br />
So often I struggle on facebook (and in the real world too sometimes) with friends and how they choose to share their parenting experience. I know this is a common struggle for people in the ALI community.<br />
<br />
Here is the thing.....<br />
<br />
I understand that pregnancy and parenting is hard work (I have spent most of my working life caring for children so I am well aware of the struggles and exhaustions) and I understand that people need to vent, they need support and they need to know what they are going through is normal.<br />
<br />
I also understand the desire to show their pride and share the joys of parenthood. I get that granny who lives two hours away likes to coo over pictures and that it is hard to imagine why someone would not want to see baby Jane in her first bobble hat. I understand that for them little Johnny's first steps were as important as Neil Armstrong's on the moon.<br />
<br />
However, I dislike the constant moaning on facebook. Even if I was not infertile I am not sure I would be interested in how many times in the night someone got up to feed their baby, or how shitty it's morning nappy was. Call me old fashioned, I just don't need to know. I don't need this information any more than I want to hear how much vomit my student cousin managed to produce after a crazy night on the beer or how many times my infirm aunt had to have her dressings changed after her fall. There are other times in our lives when we find something hard or something is a new experience but they are not nearly so commonly shared on facebook. Also, there are a multitude of forums out there designed specifically for mum moaning and I really wish people would stick to them.<br />
<br />
On my other point, I have noticed that at the other end of the spectrum you have the many many photos, which I can mostly live with (and depending on the child, quite enjoy) but you also get the re-posted, banal and unoriginal platitudes, which I intensely dislike. "Like if your son has the sun shinning constantly from his bottom and every day his ares-hole lights up your life" "Like if being the mother of a daughter makes life like skipping in a field of roses and cherries" barf barf barf.<br />
<br />
Despite appearances so far, this post is actually a positive one. I want to tell you about a friend of mine who constantly, and in my humble opinion, gets it right.<br />
<br />
The couple in question I actually know through the husband. He is an old and dear friend of mine and did one of the readings at our wedding. He married one of the sweetest women I have ever met and I was deeply, deeply happy for them both. They both pulled a cracker.<br />
<br />
Anyway, his lovely lady has a couple of health issues, one of which being endemetriosis and the other a condition which causes anaphalactic shock due to increased adrenalin. She was told she could be infertile and so had geared herself up to struggle, I remember her telling me her worries just after they were married. As it was they were pregnant almost immediately to everyone's relief and joy. She had a to be very careful during pregnancy and was not allowed to labour naturally but all went well and they now have a beautiful two year old child.<br />
<br />
But to get to my point, she and her husband are so beautiful in the way that they share their parenting journey. There is no bombardment of pictures, but every now and then they share a particularly lovely one. Most often of the family all together or their child doing something particularly sweet. These are mostly candid shots. They have not once posted a moan or a parenting difficulty and when ever they talk about their child the enjoyment they have from parenting is evident.<br />
<br />
The thing that strikes me the most is that this mother shares how grateful she is for this amazing journey, how glad she is to be parenting and how she is thankful for the little things along the way. I am not suggesting that others are not thankful and glad, or that she never struggles. But this is what she shares with her friends.<br />
<br />
I wanted to share with you two of the things she said before Christmas:<br />
<span style="background-color: whitesmoke; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span></span>
<span style="background-color: whitesmoke; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>The privilege and joy of decorating the tree with my child who understands what's happening at Christmas this year, for the first time.</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: whitesmoke; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></i></span>
<span style="background-color: whitesmoke; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Just putting a stocking full of gifts into the cot of my beautiful baby;I have never and will never take for granted how very lucky I am.</span></i></span><br />
<br />Do these two statements make me sad? Yes, they do, that make me deeply sad. Do I wish I had not read them? No, on the contrary, I am glad I have read them, I am so happy for her, and because she acknowledged how lucky she is to have the gift of a child somehow the sadness is of a different quality. It makes a difference too that these are her words and not borrowed platitudes. I want what she has so hard it hurts. It cuts. But I am so glad she is out there in the world loving her child and loving every new little miracle of life.<br />I suspect her health issues have made her more mindful and aware of just how precious the experience of parenting is and it makes me see that having been through infertility I may be gifted with the ability to see joys and wonders that others simply don't or are less able to focus on. <br />What is amusing is that this girl was not very maternal at all before her pregnancy and worried that she would not enjoy parenting. I have never seen such a change. Such a beautiful alteration in how someone sees the world. That little child is very lucky, and so am I as I can count these wonderful parents as my friends. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-32212911534398482252012-12-29T18:50:00.001+00:002012-12-29T18:50:36.135+00:00that inbetweeny bit....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
You know, the odd bit in the middle of Christmas and the new year, strange old time that it is....</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQlmkQ2Hf6T-SbJShXmgMcQlLCgFcf_SAMmVz4fzu95qoow-H_0swp5aTfRqVwydQr408tU368gBRMlPEXB7o8Ig53fsJavbbuWZc_e_vWf1pYtU_PJyhxl8bGiR8MgNnDjIww5Z9Ya6c/s1600/20121229_175115.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQlmkQ2Hf6T-SbJShXmgMcQlLCgFcf_SAMmVz4fzu95qoow-H_0swp5aTfRqVwydQr408tU368gBRMlPEXB7o8Ig53fsJavbbuWZc_e_vWf1pYtU_PJyhxl8bGiR8MgNnDjIww5Z9Ya6c/s320/20121229_175115.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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My clever hubby brought this for me for Christmas with no prompting or assistance. I love it.<br />
<br />
So, we have our private appointment booked for the 8th of Jan, whoop whoop! And it seems as though there is a possibility we will still be able to access some funding through the NHS if this is unsuccessful but I am unclear at the moment how much that would be and what we could use it for. I am going to try to get that clarified at my app. In theory we could be getting treatment by February. You could knock me down with a feather.<br />
<br />
Remus's bestie's second baby was born two days ago and we are in the process of processing that. I hate so much when it is hard to find the joy for others. We will get there, but it is taking time.<br />
<br />
There were no bump bombs at the cousinly and it was wonderful to see all the family. I had an immensely enjoyable time, parlor games a-go-go. Luckily the only cousin who has reproduced lives in Ireland so the get together is still an adults only event, although we all regress to childhood anyway as we grew up together. So much fun.<br />
<br />
What are all your plans for new years eve? I have none as yet and I am trying to work out what we are going to do.Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-46794951736881361292012-12-27T13:11:00.003+00:002012-12-27T14:09:06.304+00:00Blinking, she steps back into the light...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggE5qyQqf5V6W9icivIz1cPyztE6I4N5SFmOWMKlbcrmUM3lptiA4BMl1IwdYY1dqYqIvSoyZCqHwcvtFcEFeTH5h9kfwwMaJYtRDcUAzWPBRogDY8rvWmwh8L1DSnZ0Dr_HZLFhujz-w/s1600/IMG_3903.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggE5qyQqf5V6W9icivIz1cPyztE6I4N5SFmOWMKlbcrmUM3lptiA4BMl1IwdYY1dqYqIvSoyZCqHwcvtFcEFeTH5h9kfwwMaJYtRDcUAzWPBRogDY8rvWmwh8L1DSnZ0Dr_HZLFhujz-w/s320/IMG_3903.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Well hello hello. I hope all of your Christmases were relatively merry and your merry relations kept their opinions, platitudes, bumps and spawn well under control. No bump bombs dropped here yet, although we go to the huge cousinly get together tomorrow which could change that.<br />
<br />
Today's blogs will be brought to you sponsored by the soundtracks of Sweeny Todd and Wicked (bestest Chrimbo prezzies). I cooked Christmas dinner to wicked and sang loudly the whole time. T'was a site to see I promise you.<br />
<br />
So, how was the Christmas time in the Moon household? Well, not too bad. After the rather disappointing early Christmas present of withheld funding on Christmas eve things mostly improved. There was only one moment when I had a hit of 'the sad'. My adopted sister, who has a two year old, was remarking on the fact he was born on the 11.11.11. and that there would be no more of those this century after 12.12.12. She said that she and her other half should have got a move on and had the second one on that date. It was an off the cuff joke and she meant nothing by it, but it hit home so hard to me that she really has all of this control over things. Her son was conceived the first month they tried (and yes, she has said to me 'I know how you feel, I remember how sad I felt that first month when I thought it hadn't worked').<br />
<br />
I know of course she couldn't plan the actual day, but she can decide to have a baby, and bam, have one. I want that control. I struggle so hard with the lack of control. Anyway, I had a sad moment about that and then got on with things.<br />
<br />
We had a crazy Christmas morning at my dads surrounded by family, noise and bustle. Then Remus and I went back to our house and had a very quiet and chilled meal with my real sister and my mum. I have always been at others houses for the Christmas meal but this year I really enjoyed being the chef. I felt a real sense of satisfaction at a job well done. That was my favorite part of the day and I actually managed to enjoy that it was just adults and therefore totally calm and relaxed. It was a rare moment when I manage to remember there are perks to childlessness. The in-laws came over in the evening and we watched 'White Christmas' in all it's silliness.<br />
<br />
Remus brought me a beautiful necklace all by himself which I love and all in all it was a good Christmas after all.<br />
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I hope all of your holidays were bearable, and I will look forward to catching up with you all soon. I have not had much time for blogging so after the new year I will have to set aside a day for a jolly good catch up.<br />
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With love and hugs and wishes for an amazing new year for all of us. Lets hope there are many 2013 babies in the making for this community. Unlucky for some, but in my opinion this community has had it's share of bad luck so I think it will bring us all good luck. That is my theory and I am sticking to it!Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-57580888598094354442012-12-24T12:22:00.001+00:002012-12-24T12:44:12.706+00:00Merry Christmas! <p>Posting from phone so I will be brief. I don't have time to blog properly but I wanted to update you. </p>
<p>Firstly, a very merry Christmas to you all. I have a million posts on my Christmas prep for you in the new year.</p>
<p>Secondly we had our funding letter from the NHS this morning. Basically they have agreed our funding BUT they won't release the funds until at least four months from now at which point we will still have to wait for an appointment with the clinic and then wait for my cycle. So it could be six months.</p>
<p>We have decided to pay privately and get things moving much sooner. Like next month.</p>
<p>I will blog about my feelings and emotions around this soon. Surface to say it was not a letter I particularly wanted on Christmas eve. However, now the decision has been made I am going to allow myself to get excited. Things are going to happen, and soon, anxious we will be paying so they will have to treat us nicely.</p>
<p>Have a wonderful Christmas my wonderful friends. I am thinking of you all x x x</p>
<div class='separator' style='clear: both; text-align: center;'> <a href='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkTQulNeehcHDgaDkvhvZCwn3dxUr4-7S_7kOj6pegg8c7ODmNFGGDBO89hE52fzDvNfJGzp48qGivcpvUs19iJf-Mj3G3Uv7ji2CjFtdeBDYha5eZQF9J7r_qihqIja3k6bEG3rA_stQ/s1600/20121222_144412.jpg' imageanchor='1' style='margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;'> <img border='0' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkTQulNeehcHDgaDkvhvZCwn3dxUr4-7S_7kOj6pegg8c7ODmNFGGDBO89hE52fzDvNfJGzp48qGivcpvUs19iJf-Mj3G3Uv7ji2CjFtdeBDYha5eZQF9J7r_qihqIja3k6bEG3rA_stQ/s320/20121222_144412.jpg' /> </a> </div>Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-46881441493153983332012-12-20T12:46:00.002+00:002012-12-20T13:22:01.566+00:00Luna Geeks Out...<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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Firstly, sorry for going dark. Life has been hectic and a half over the last week and I have barely had time for vital nourishment and elimination functions let alone blogging. Christmas is happening, despite my Grinchiness and I need to be ready. <br />
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Now a warning, I am about to write an unashamedly geeky and filmbuffy post. Feel free to flee whist you can.<br />
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Yesterday I went to see The Hobbit. I loved it, LOVED IT, but as an uber film fan part of my enjoyment of a film is the deconstruction afterwards. So, possible spoilers for the film and book ahead.<br />
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Here goes:<br />
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<li>Martin Freeman nailed it. He nailed it hard and I love him and all his quirky no-verbal communication. He was the perfect choice for this role and it was an understated and subtle performance. </li>
<li>Serena McKellan, *that thing the French do when they snack their lips and kiss their fingers, that*</li>
<li>Hummm, Peter Jackson said he wished he could have done CGI orcs in the LOTR and was glad he could do them this time. I am not sure Peter. I liked the 'real' orcs in LOTR. I find it harder to suspend my disbelief for CGI. Also, not sure about the king of the goblins, bit too cartoonesque for me. Again, my disbelief was not suspended. A smaller realer goblin king would have been more believable.</li>
<li>Action - dare I say there was a tidly bit too much. Plus, when the action moves so fast my brain can't actually keep up with what is going on the whole point of the action is lost, no? I would rather have had fewer, clearer and less frenetic action bits. But that is just me, Remus came out saying, 'I liked that, it wasn't as slow as LOTR'. If things are not being blown up of heads chopped off he gets a little bored. I think I just wanted a bit more clarity and subtlety. Sometimes the camera moves so fast it is all just a blur, how is my brain supposed to enjoy and process that? </li>
<li>Radagast the Brown. Flash backs to my childhood and a Dr Who with the best scarf ever made. Good old Sylvester McCoy. He, incidentally, has, without doubt, the best line in the film. It is to do with Rabbits, watch out for it. Perfect example of an addition that really worked. </li>
<li>Andy Serkis is perfection. That is all. </li>
<li>The dwarves were great, although even the younger ones really ought to have had slightly longer beards. Some looked more dwarvish and some more manlike, but I liked that they managed to give them all separate characters. </li>
<li>Did anyone else notice that the attention to height difference was not as consistent as in LOTR. At times Bilbo looked as large as the dwarves and Gandalf was not as tall as I remember. Just a niggle.</li>
<li>I loved that they gave the whole film a very different feel from LOTR whilst keeping true to its heart. The comic bits, the party at the beginning and the witty lines Tolkien wrote were handled with skill and a really gentle touch. Fabulous.</li>
<li>Great building up of the darkness that is coming.</li>
<li>The soundtrack kicks butt, I loved all the echos to LOTR and the new bits. I was wondering how they would do the dwarvish singing and it was perfect. I came out humming the song.</li>
<li>Who knew I would come out fancying Thorin Oakenshield. Oh Richard, Mr Armitage, I have loved you since North and South and the Vicar of Dibley. Swoon.</li>
<li>I can't wait for the next one. </li>
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So, anyone else seen it? Anything I have missed? What do you all think?</div>
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Right, I am all geeked out and am off to wrap more prezzies. </div>
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<br />Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-43660195191377036642012-12-11T17:19:00.001+00:002012-12-11T17:19:29.814+00:00Heart to Heart<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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Last night Remus and I had an accidental heart to heart. I had not intended to at all, but suddenly, there we were, getting into the serious stuff. It started because I was feeling a little saucy when I got into bed, but then when we actually started 'doin' stuff', we both realised neither of us really truly felt like it and it petered out. As stated in the previous post, we are both so exhausted at the moment. Plus, I have neglected my lady like primping and preening for a week or two too many and he has not worn anything but combats and fleece jumpers for months. Man, we are a sexy couple. His beard was tickling my nose and I was aware that it was all a bit 70's in the downstairs department. We looked like an illustration from the original '<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Joy_of_Sex">Joy of Sex</a>'.</div>
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I lay there for a while tying to work out what was wrong. In the end I came to the conclusion that I just don't think either of us is trying hard enough. We are both a little (or a lot) depressed, we both know we love each other and want to be together, we both know that an unshaven face here and a pajamas all day there is not going to ruin us and so we just fudge along everyday, plod plod plod. But the thing is, there is no romance. Non. Zero. Nill. Zilch. Nada. We are romanceless. We are letting life slip into the boggiest of ruts, both standing still in our funk whilst the rest of the world speeds on past us. </div>
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I found it hard at first to tell Remus what I was thinking, because I did not want him to think I was putting all this at his door. I know it is absolutely 50/50. I take as much responsibility for the hole we are in as I am handing to him. So, first of all I tried to explain I was not attacking him or blaming him, and once I had done that I told him I was feeling a little forgotten about and taken for granted. I have asked that we have a few 'date nights' and worry a little less about blowing a few pounds here and there on doing fun things together. I want to eat more meals with a candle at the table instead of in front of the TV and I want to dress up for each other now and then. I want to remember why we started going out in the first place. </div>
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He listened and agreed with everything I said and I hope it went in. He did ask me today what I wanted for Christmas so something seems to have clicked. I am going to start thinking of nice ways to surprise him over the Christmas period, a meal here, an outfit there, a homemade card etc. </div>
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I also want to do a few things to treat myself. </div>
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Today I brought myself a few new clothes online and I also booked a full waxing session and a hair cut. I am even thinking of getting it dyed. </div>
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Oh, and in case you were wondering, after the heart to heart we had another crack at it..... and this time all was well! 70's beards and bushes notwithstanding. </div>
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<br />Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-20218362039011410492012-12-09T12:31:00.002+00:002012-12-09T12:31:38.898+00:00strap on the smile<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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Smiling used to be my favorite. We watched this wonderful film the other night ( I managed to convince Remus to watch it with me by telling him Zooey was in it - naked in the shower no less). Man alive I love Christmas Movies, no matter how grinchy I feel I am a sucker for a Crimbo flick. And once upon a time I used to be just like Buddy, and smiling really was my favorite. </div>
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My nickname when I was a waitress (oh so many years ago) was Tigger, because I was always so bouncy and cheerful. Now, don't get me wrong, I have not always been happy all the time. Oh no, I have had my sad times. But no matter my mood I have always worn my emotions on my sleeve and been proud of that fact whether happy or sad. If I felt sad I was sad and if I felt happy I was happy and I never made much attempt, with family and friends at least, to hide what was going on for me. I have found this honestly with my emotions has served me well. It has helped me access the support I needed from loves ones and it has helped me feel like I am true to my own inner self. </div>
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However....</div>
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I am finding that way of existing very hard these days. My usual honesty about my emotional state is disappearing. More and more I am finding myself strapping on the smile, strapping on the 'I'm OK face'. Because I am sad most of the time. Not all of the time, no, but most. I am acutely aware that for everyone else, the 'Luna is sad that she can't get pregnant' stuff is getting rather old. I feel like I have to ration the sympathy I elicit from my caring wonderful family. Not because I am worried it will get used up, but because if it is exhausting me then it must be exhausting them too. And it is EXHAUSTING me. I am so weary of this sadness. This angry, frustrated unfair sadness. </div>
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I have happy moments, like my very rewarding working day last Friday which was wonderful. I felt like myself, like my happy old self. But they seem to be getting further and further apart. Most of the time there is this underlying layer of constant sadness. The last thing I want to do is lay all that on Remus all the time, although it is harder to hide from him than from anyone else. I have had a couple of mega sobbing sessions with him recently, poor boy. </div>
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Yesterday I spent the day looking after a friends two year old boy because she was sick. I did this alongside three other folks in my family. In some ways it was a lovely day, he was cute as a pie and we all did lovely things together. But I know that I plastered on the smile and faked a good time. We were at an event with many children and babies, and there I was being mistaken for a mum at every turn. It was hard. But I smiled through it and jollied along. Today I am wiped out. So tired. Far more exhausted than I should be from half a day out. </div>
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Oh, and then I went to my mums for supper and she god dam did it again!!!!!! Seriously mother. Engage brain before speaking. I was fading fast by about nine thirty, bearing in mind I was recovering from a bad back and a sick bed last week, and I complained of feeling very tired....</div>
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Mum - perhaps you are pregnant.</div>
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Me - I am not pregnant. (through the gritted teeth in my head I say 'I only ovulated about two days ago and in the illness induced funk of our house last week we will be lucky if we timed one baby making session right')</div>
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Oh Sweet Bicycling Hey-Zuse she said it again. Seriously, it is like an illness. My mother then preceded to tell me all about her colleague who is pregnant and hating it. Hating how it is changing her body as she is a super fit gym bunny and hating that she is going to have to take time off work and who complains about being pregnant constantly. Um, what? Why on Earth do you think I would want to here about her? Tell her to invest in a condom next time. Stupid cow (the co-worker, not my mum). I love my mum but holy moly mother of a hat stand she has a mouth on her. I have given up getting angry or upset about these things, I just go quiet or change the subject. </div>
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It feels like my mother just cannot accept that Remus and I will probably need medical intervention. I feel like she thinks if we try each month we are sure to catch. She still sees pregnancy as something that just happens. She cannot get her head round the fact that for us it most likely wont. Seventeen months mum.... three on clomid......timed perfectly every time..... No, I am not pregnant. I am just not. I am tired because infertility is the most horrendous thing I have ever faced in my life and being sad every single day, no matter how much of a happy mask I put on, is exhausting. </div>
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I promise I am not usually this morose and depressing. I do realise this blog has been nothing but down in the dumps. I will try to up my game and get some funnies up on here soon. Thanks for sticking with me my dears.</div>
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<br />Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-46282534455075759822012-12-04T14:55:00.002+00:002012-12-04T14:55:41.430+00:00Selfish Cow<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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Mooooo.<br />
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That is me this year. I am feeling like a big old selfish cow-bag.<br />
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I love Christmas. I adore it. It has always been one of my favorite times of year. In years past I have got so very excited about buying just exactly the right thing for everyone and have scoured every shop in existence, I have got carried away and ended up spending far too much because I keep spotting the 'perfect' gift so someone gets three, I have spent hours handcrafting beautiful personal items for loved ones as well as handmade cards for my whole address book.<br />
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If truth be told I prefer giving presents to getting them. With the exception of some wonderful things a couple of people who know me really well have given me, I always find that the gifts I am given are not really as exciting as the buzz I get from getting it just right when I present my carefully chosen item. I am a giver, what can I say.<br />
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Well, that is until this year. This year I don't think I am a giver at all. I am utterly uninspired. I am not feeling the love or the urge to give.<br />
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I don't know if it is because all my energy is being drained by the infertility pit, or if I have pulled the covers so far over my head I am in a totally self-involved place but I am just feeling so grinchy. Although that is not entirely true. I am sort of enjoying the Christmas build up, it is just every time I try to get some Christmas shopping done I end up just buying things for me to 'cheer myself up' (or things for future Moon babies). I just don't feel very givey. I don't feel like I have anything to give.<br />
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We are on an economy drive anyway and my plan was to make gifts for everyone. Guess how far I have got with that so far... nowhere. I have done the grand total of nothing. Good grief I feel so useless. I am hoping that during the next few days I can summon up a little Christmassy giving spirit and get going on my festive preparations.<br />
<br />
Bah humbug.<br />
<br />
In other news, Remus has the norovirus. Lucky boy. So I have morphed from patient to nurse. I think we are better at it the other way around. He is a terrible patient because he refuses to actually give in and BE poorly. He just came out of the bathroom after heaving his guts out and said to me, 'I need some lunch, and then I have to walk the dog...' I have put him to bed with a cup of hot water at his side instead, that seemed to me to be a better idea. Men are so silly. I am not a very patient nurse like he is, more of a pushy matron.<br />
<br />
Poor pups has the shortest end of the stick. I am still not feeling 100% so it is a short walk for her today.Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-44452782612669875812012-12-03T10:35:00.002+00:002012-12-03T16:18:51.502+00:00No Mum. Just no. <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvQ8vjxK3vgAKV6bg1tgoWDnhwnqWHnxBAlkbxOVyygaYWtalyC29pCGADmxtmzlRZk8gsAk4E4dXvPOYaH9JENmIxiWENEa0eONuBYDQwULYF9NstlhH1Q64GCvnl0aIuIoagCaJeh2Q/s1600/il_570xN.336867625.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvQ8vjxK3vgAKV6bg1tgoWDnhwnqWHnxBAlkbxOVyygaYWtalyC29pCGADmxtmzlRZk8gsAk4E4dXvPOYaH9JENmIxiWENEa0eONuBYDQwULYF9NstlhH1Q64GCvnl0aIuIoagCaJeh2Q/s320/il_570xN.336867625.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/99268708/facepalm-art-magnet-pin-keychain-pendant?ref=sr_gallery_42&ga_search_query=face+palm&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=GB&ga_spelling_corrected=face+plam&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=face+palm">via Etsy</a></td></tr>
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<br />
I love my mother, don't get me wrong. She and I have had a tempestuous past, particularly during my teenage years, but we have got over all that now and have a great relationship.<br />
<br />
The problem is, when it comes to infertility, she just does not get it. I think she tries, and she is obviously sad for us and understands that what we are facing is hard, but she does not 'get it'.<br />
<br />
Mum was 27 when she had me and I was conceived no trouble at all, she then sadly had one miscarriage before conceiving my sister at 30. All three pregnancies were planned and happened within a month or two of trying. I think if we got to the point of a pregnancy that failed she might have a better reference point, but this not being able to get pregnant at all seems to be something she finds really hard to compute.<br />
<br />
Bless her heart, she tries really really really dam hard to get it and to say the right thing but she has officially exhausted ALL the classics. Every single bloody one. Phrases that are I am able to laugh off or ignore when coming from a friend seem much harder to take when they are coming from my mother. I am afraid she has made me cry on more than one occasion and Remus (the husband) has had to jump in and explain why that is hard to hear.<br />
<br />
To be honest, over the last few months she has got much better. I have not had a platitude launched at me for ages. There was even a moment when some granny friends of hers were talking babies and she felt the pain of second generation infertility and I though we had had a real breakthrough. They were totally dismissive of my infertility and my mums sadness at not being a granny yet. I thought at last she had understood. And then, yesterday, she launched a doozie.<br />
<br />
Oh dear mother. Your foot and your mouth seem to have such an affinity.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv4yTrW2lYCWbzEo3oAN79aTQnt51epokRwP1VmNnKLlAlPJXmOPNFK9S4eVPv9wWoY4KAjgwsmIFI8azoDvgtgBpHnIXPJQxrt5j8PrWZG678NotFKz-7fAFplPLJyj6w37W2vAjy5J4/s1600/il_570xN.137330031.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv4yTrW2lYCWbzEo3oAN79aTQnt51epokRwP1VmNnKLlAlPJXmOPNFK9S4eVPv9wWoY4KAjgwsmIFI8azoDvgtgBpHnIXPJQxrt5j8PrWZG678NotFKz-7fAFplPLJyj6w37W2vAjy5J4/s320/il_570xN.137330031.jpg" width="288" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/44780761/squirrel-art-print-sick-day?ref=sr_gallery_28&ga_search_query=sick&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=GB&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=sick">via Etsy</a></td></tr>
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Basically, I caught the lurgy. And possibly the plague too. There has been a particularly virulent norovirus making the rounds of the UK catching people unawares. I have been avoiding most of these things this year as I have not been out and about with large groups of people much, I have been holed up at home writing.<br />
<br />
Anyhoo, I went out to an event on Saturday. An event that contained those carriers of disease, those diminutive pox monkeys: little children. By lunch time I was feeling strange and I was at least an hour and a half from home. I got in the car, drove like hell, and used up my last reserves of energy to get myself back home.<br />
<br />
As I came in the door I burst into tears, collapsed on the sofa and was immovable for the rest of the evening. Remus was running round after me like the lovely fella that he is and by night time it was (too much information is possibly about to follow) coming out both ends. And that is all you need to know about that.<br />
<br />
So on Sunday morning I rang my mummy for some sympathy. Which I did get, she was very sweet and kind and mumsy, wishing she had time to come over and look after me. Until she said it. Yup, she actually said it. Can you believe it? I imagine any infertile lady reading this is going to know exactly the phrase to which I am referring....<br />
<br />
My mum said to me, as I was lying on my back feeling ill as feck, having just spewed and shat my guts out....<br />
<br />
"You never know love, maybe it's morning sickness!"<br />
<br />
"No mum, just no. NO. It is not morning sickness. It would be unlikely to be morning sickness in two and a half weeks time when I am on cycle day 28 or so, seeing as the chances of us conceiving naturally are incredibly low after 17 months of well times sex has failed. I am, however, only on cycle day 12 at the moment, and seeing as I never ovulate until cycle day 15, and I, without a shadow of doubt, had a perfectly respectable period twelve days ago, I am about as unlikely to have morning sickness as you are. In fact, you are possibly more likely too, despite your menopause, seeing as we know you have had it before."<br />
<br />
Of course I did not actually say that, although a few months ago I would have. I just sighed, and said...<br />
<br />
"No, it's not."<br />
<br />
And changed the subject.<br />
<br />
I love her, and her heart is in the right place. I genuinely think it is just a case that her mouth says things before her brain can catch up. But seriously mum, no. Just no.<br />
<br />
<br />
*oh, and I have been fiddling with the design - I rather like so far*<br />
<br />
<br />Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6589436290641789018.post-25173670694831780502012-11-29T14:33:00.001+00:002012-11-29T14:42:12.042+00:00Well, hello there. <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg7NgqB7cG0hy5xrHdQFgpS8sWuuBkfbJUjO9_ldapvPeGSUOy9PHWlurZZgaAawdqiH_nRPIdjB6wcXng59324kExtlJxF-71RTthGj0MgnnCc2WIgtPu8aksUhQU9IAKrj10RILYkQs/s1600/il_570xN.304303261.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg7NgqB7cG0hy5xrHdQFgpS8sWuuBkfbJUjO9_ldapvPeGSUOy9PHWlurZZgaAawdqiH_nRPIdjB6wcXng59324kExtlJxF-71RTthGj0MgnnCc2WIgtPu8aksUhQU9IAKrj10RILYkQs/s320/il_570xN.304303261.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/90921791/over-the-moon-word-silhouette-in?ref=sr_gallery_27&ga_search_query=over+the+moon&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=GB&ga_utm_source=croud_g&ga_utm_medium=uk_ppc_w&ga_utm_term=etsy_e&ga_utm_campaign=Brand_ST_Exact_etsy&ga_mkwid=sd679swUl&ga_pcrid=20794984111&ga_kword=etsy&ga_match=e&ga_gclid=CNuMzYuv9LMCFUbKtAodnjoAHA&ga_search_type=all&ga_facet=over+the+moon">via Etsy</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
How very nice to meet you. I am over the moon that you have dropped by.<br />
<br />
Well, one has to start somewhere, so this is it.<br />
<br />
Welcome to my humble corner of the blogesphere. Pull up a chair, get cosy, and tell me all about it, as Frasier would say, 'I'm listening'. I want to make some new friends, have some laughs, swap some stories and generally share the love.<br />
<br />
This rollercoaster ride we call infertility is a big old grotbag of horrid. Help me laugh through the stupid days, enjoy the good days, winge and moan about the bad days and scrape me up off the floor and put me back together after the worst of the worst days. I promise I will do the same for you! Pinky swear promise with a cherry on the top.<br />
<br />
I am living in limbo land currently, awaiting the go ahead for our first IUI. I am Mrs inpatient pants and so all of this waiting is driving me up the wall and down again. Limbo land is boring boring boring.<br />
<br />
So, tips from those who have been through the wait please... What can I do to stay sane while I wait it out?<br />
<br />
And welcome, do come back and visit again.<br />
<br />
<br />Lunahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02655205298951083138noreply@blogger.com33