I didn't realise trying for a baby was like asking for the moon on a stick. Infertility and all that jazz.

Monday 21 January 2013

peeps out and waves *UPDATE*

I am still here, I promise. I am sorry for being a somewhat absent blogger at the moment.

via Etsy
I am hibernating. That is my excuse.

Mostly I have not blogged because there is just nothing to say, I had hoped that by going private things would move a little faster, no luck to far. Nearly two weeks later and I am still waiting for my clinic appointment time to come in the post. I am going to call them today if we still have not heard.

Sirius and I (and Remus when he is not working) have been loving the snow though, we have been taking long long walks just enjoying the beautiful white world we are suddenly surrounded with. Other than walks though, I have no energy for anything. I have been ticking over, not really doing much at all. I am not sure this is entirely good for me, but it is a hard rut to clamber out of.

'The Sad' seems to have caught me a bit. Not the wailing sobbing gut-wrenching kind, but the soft quiet plodding through the day kind. I find this harder because it lingers longer and seems to dig in deeper.

I am sitting here at the moment awaiting my delightful period, which should be joining me by Thursday. Hoo-flipping-ra. What I really want to do right now is fuck off on a holiday. But we are spending the ski holiday money on attempted baby making.

My goodness, I just read this back, I am sorry my lovelies, not exactly a bundle of laughs today am I? I need to get my boots on and go for another snowey tramp in the woods.

P.S. I am seriously considering a move over to wordpress so I can do private posts and let you in a little to the real me. I want to be able to blog without censoring myself so much. Anyway I am looking into it.... watch this space......



*UPDATE*

I am so fed up with this SHIT. So, I couldn't wait for the post so I called to see why my letter has not come. It seems that they had interpreted my consultants letter as saying we were waiting for the NHS funding to come through and they were waiting for US TO CONTACT THEM. This was in no way what I was told to do by my doctor at the last appointment. So now I have missed out on the chance of an appointment this month and they don't have a space until February 19th which due to my cycle will put us back a whole other month to a March start. I am utterly gutted and upset and I just don't know what to do. I can't trust anything or anyone. I feel like the entire burden for this is on me and if I don't hassle all the time I am forgotten about and abandoned. The weight of this is drowning me. It is so exhausting. It shouldn't be like this. Even after this initial 19th app I will still have to have bloods taken, wait for them to come back, learn about injections, get hold of the meds etc etc etc and as my cycle is around the 25th of the month there is no way we can start end of Feb. That means two months minimum before we are close to actually getting started. I can't take this any more. Two more months, three more months, six more months, that is all I have heard for the last year and a half. We have been fighting for a baby now for over eighteen months and I am shattered, exhausted and feeling so alone. I am all on my own right now and so sad. I wish Remus was home right now.

17 comments:

  1. Your update is infuriating and devastating. Mistakes, miscommunications - it's madness ... and all the while, time keeps ticking on. I understand why you're so gutted. Perhaps you can call back to see if there are any cancellations? I've gotten past a few extended waits in that manner. Lots of love to you xxxx

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  2. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this! I'm mad for you. I hate that when there is some sort of miscommunication...you/we are the ones that have to suffer. Hang in there...thinking of you! ((HUGS))

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  3. I am so angry for you. The communication is an easy thing and them messing it up really is awful for you! I am so sorry hun. Sending many hugs!!!

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  4. OH hon! I am so sorry you have to go through all of this crap. It's not fair. I HOPE HOPE they get things worked out and by some miracle you are able to start sooner than you think. You shouldn't have to wait any longer!!! Sending HUGS!!!

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  5. I'm so sorry this just keep getting extended. I agree with Elizabeth, cancellation appointments can really help. *hugs*

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  6. Ugh sorry they messed that up! Clinic staff can be the worst at communicating some times!! Sending hugs!

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  7. The waiting can really drag you down. And this on top of all is really frustrating! You have been waiting enough already. So sorry you have to go through this. Hugs.

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  8. Wow, this is horrible... I can't believe the incompetence of people sometimes, especially when they're getting a shitload of money to simply NOT BE STUPID and follow directions. I will say that the whole beginning stages of infertility treatment are always dragged out, no matter where you are, because of all the bloodwork and monitoring and diagnosing that needs to happen first. But 18 months is completely unacceptable. COMPLETELY. Is there any way you can yell at them more (or get your husband to), and force them to take you earlier? Or even call another clinic that could make this happen sooner? I know it's hard, but try to be as proactive and aggressive as possible.

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  9. Oh, friend, I'm feeling crushed and devastated for you. This just isn't right! I was just saying the other day, about our fertility clinic, that I feel like I have to do everyone's job for them because no one can get their act together. It's infuriating! I'm so sorry, love, and I do hope you find a way to get in to your clinic lickety split...or, at the very least, that these next two months will pass quickly. Many, many hugs to you!

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  10. Suggestion, feel free to disregard. Could you start birth control after on day 3 to time your cycle so you can start sooner? It works with IVF. Just a thought...
    Sorry the clinic is lame. I felt the same way, totally disregarded unless I was kicking and screaming. Kind of a jerky thing to do to a hormonal infertile lady

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  11. I'm so sorry things keep getting delayed. I know the waiting sucks, especially when it's someone else's fault! I hope you can find a way around it, or at least find a way to distract yourself through the next couple of months. Hugs.

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  12. Well, shit.I think half the reason women doing IVF are so stressed out is because we've already been through two years of bullshit with incompetant admin staff and idiot nurses. Sometimes I would love to send my Dr a Howler. And other days I'd like to throw a molotov cocktail at his window, but I've thought better of it... so far... hang in there, my friend.

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  13. My heart hurts for you right now :( this seriously is horrible and completely not fair for you or for Remus. I hate that you're going through all this just to even get started. Sending a virtual hug and cocktail across the pond to you.

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  14. I'm sorry you're feeling let down this way. It's so hard to take - we all know the waiting is one of the hardest parts of this - but it hurts particularly when it's preventable and comes down to human error (or medical staff/admin who don't give a toss). Having had my fair share of letdowns with the NHS, I'm angry on your behalf! It's like they don't realise it's people's *lives* they're dealing with. You're not alone.

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  15. This is shit and this sucks. It's been a shitty horrible long hard road, most would have quit, some could never muster the courage to fight but you are here, fighting, living, breathing and angry. Lets use this. You know that scene from Rocky when he is running? It's a long run, it's uncomfortable, challenging, you're short of breath, looking down, gasping, hurting. You're at the bottom of the steps now. This is the hardest part. The stairs hurt, but you keep moving up. One at a time. Keep going, keep going. There is a top, there is an end. It's not the way it's meant to be, it's not the way you hoped, but it is the way it is and only your strength and sheer bloody mindedness from the deep darks corners of your soul are going to get you to the top. I'd love nothing more than to give you a hug. We are all at the bottom of those steps with you and all we can do is give you a bloody big shove. Love you x

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    1. Love you too. I would sell my kidneys right now for a ticket to oz for G family cuddles.

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  16. Uggghhhh! I am so sorry for the miscommunications. We had a few trials like that. I hope that they have an opening in the near future!

    As for the move to wordpress....do it!! I have found it so much easier to work with! \

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