peeps out and waves *UPDATE*

I am still here, I promise. I am sorry for being a somewhat absent blogger at the moment.

via Etsy

I am hibernating. That is my excuse.

Mostly I have not blogged because there is just nothing to say, I had hoped that by going private things would move a little faster, no luck to far. Nearly two weeks later and I am still waiting for my clinic appointment time to come in the post. I am going to call them today if we still have not heard.

Sirius and I (and Remus when he is not working) have been loving the snow though, we have been taking long long walks just enjoying the beautiful white world we are suddenly surrounded with. Other than walks though, I have no energy for anything. I have been ticking over, not really doing much at all. I am not sure this is entirely good for me, but it is a hard rut to clamber out of.

'The Sad' seems to have caught me a bit. Not the wailing sobbing gut-wrenching kind, but the soft quiet plodding through the day kind. I find this harder because it lingers longer and seems to dig in deeper.

I am sitting here at the moment awaiting my delightful period, which should be joining me by Thursday. Hoo-flipping-ra. What I really want to do right now is fuck off on a holiday. But we are spending the ski holiday money on attempted baby making.

My goodness, I just read this back, I am sorry my lovelies, not exactly a bundle of laughs today am I? I need to get my boots on and go for another snowey tramp in the woods.

P.S. I am seriously considering a move over to wordpress so I can do private posts and let you in a little to the real me. I want to be able to blog without censoring myself so much. Anyway I am looking into it.... watch this space......



*UPDATE*

I am so fed up with this SHIT. So, I couldn't wait for the post so I called to see why my letter has not come. It seems that they had interpreted my consultants letter as saying we were waiting for the NHS funding to come through and they were waiting for US TO CONTACT THEM. This was in no way what I was told to do by my doctor at the last appointment. So now I have missed out on the chance of an appointment this month and they don't have a space until February 19th which due to my cycle will put us back a whole other month to a March start. I am utterly gutted and upset and I just don't know what to do. I can't trust anything or anyone. I feel like the entire burden for this is on me and if I don't hassle all the time I am forgotten about and abandoned. The weight of this is drowning me. It is so exhausting. It shouldn't be like this. Even after this initial 19th app I will still have to have bloods taken, wait for them to come back, learn about injections, get hold of the meds etc etc etc and as my cycle is around the 25th of the month there is no way we can start end of Feb. That means two months minimum before we are close to actually getting started. I can't take this any more. Two more months, three more months, six more months, that is all I have heard for the last year and a half. We have been fighting for a baby now for over eighteen months and I am shattered, exhausted and feeling so alone. I am all on my own right now and so sad. I wish Remus was home right now.