I didn't realise trying for a baby was like asking for the moon on a stick. Infertility and all that jazz.

Monday, 14 January 2013

Serious and Sirius

Visiting the home of a three week old 'whoopise' baby to be told by her parents that the money we are spending on IUI would be best spent, and I quote:

"on a holiday somewhere nice, have lots of sex and relax".

That is my favourite, that is. Remus very wisely said that if something is not useful I should just let it go. I find it so hard though, that kind of ignorant and ill thought out statement really hurts me. It feels laced with this subtle accusation that we are somehow causing our own infertility. I sucked it up however and got on with the visit.

Cuddling the baby, however, was really truly lovely.

Strangely I don't get remotely broody over other peoples babies like I used to before TCC. I enjoy having a smooch and a squee but I am acutely aware that it is not my baby, the one I so desperately want. I find babies much easier to handle and be around than bumps somehow. The baby is a little person, but not my little person, and I just enjoy saying hi, but the bump represents all of this potential, all of this magic that I want to experience so badly.

Seeing Remus cuddling said baby, now that makes me broody as hell.

Good grief aren't feelings complicated old things.

Sirius the Dog Star
via Etsy

To answer the lovely Lady Blogalots question on my last post, the names on this blog were not originally or intentionally Harry Potter references. It is just a wonderful coincidence. I am, I admit, a massive HP fan, but my own pseudonym was in reference to the blog name, Moon on a Stick, Moon = Luna. Then, when coming up with a name for my husband I was thinking of moon related things, thought of wolves, werewolves and Remus Lupin popped into my head (he is my absolute favourite character). It did not even register that Luna was also a character in HP until later. Then when naming the dog I was thinking night sky related thoughts, moon, star, dog-star, Sirius. That time I did think, ho-ho, more HP but really I think it just goes to show great minds think alike. Me and JK, we are like peas and carrots.


  1. I love all your Harry Potter references.
    And that was one ill comment. To those people you can send them scientific articles that prove that Stress does not cause infertility so they can ingrain it in their brains and stop making you feel like this is somehow your fault. The correlation actually goes the other way around.
    A part of this journey has been learning to be nice to myself. To understand that no, this is not karma, no I did not do anything wrong to deserve this. That I did not do anything to bring this to myself. That this is NOT the consequence of me being an overthinker anxious b*tch. A very very hard part. And then I let go, and I accepted that sh*t happens to nice people too, that there is no logic or morality in these kind of things.

    Dealing with babies is easy for me too. Oh and watching the boy hold babies makes me melt.
    But pregnancy announcements of random strangers or acquaintances that are often insensitive or mean, I just can't take those very well.


  2. I can really relate to this post. I can become very offended when I feel even the slightest hint that perhaps our infertility is actually being caused by us, rather than being a medical condition.

  3. Ugh, why do people have to say such ignorant things!!

  4. Ugh! Comments like that make me want to scream! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that! I totally agree about the bumps vs babies thing. 2 years ago 3 of my closest friends were all due within 2 months of each other and I could not stand to be around them and their matching bellies. Once the babies came it was so much easier. I can't really explain it.

    I love that your names are all HP related. I am a massive HP fan! I told my husband the other night that I wanted to name the twins Harry and Hermione...he didn't agree... :)

  5. Omg I am the exact same way -- totally get jealous and bitter seeing other women's bumps, but am never really bothered by their actual babies.

    On the other hand, I'm different in that I would NEVER let a comment like that slide! I probably should learn to contain my emotions more, but just cannot deal with such ignorance around infertility. I admire your ability to let it pass and not get worked up!

  6. Babies are sometimes difficult for me (a newborn's cry is the worst), especially if they were born around the time my little lost baby was due (of which I know many), but I agree -- bumps are much harder to handle. And those friends who said that horrible thing to you? Someone needs to enlighten them! I'm very shy, but I don't think I ever could have kept my mouth shut after hearing someone say that to me. Kudos to you, friend!

    And I love the HP references...even if they are only accidental. Keep them going!

  7. We just had a US Congressman, a former OBGYN no less, attempt to justify excuses for rape by claiming that infertile women just need to drink some wine and relax. Inexplicable, really. I'm glad you got some cuddly time with a baby. Like you, I've never struggled with the kiddos. They are just so damn precious.

  8. I work with babies every day, so it doesn't bother me (usually), but my heart absolutely bursts when I see Hubby interact with babies or young children. I want it to be our kid he brings out all his silly antics for!

  9. Anger town. that stupid comment would send me packing for a trip to anger town. Some people are stupid, and you are freaking awesome for not explaining that to them!!!

  10. Ugh. People are SO stupid. My least favorite comment was always "there's a reason." Really, maybe there is and maybe in my head I know it, but don't freakin preach that to me. UGHHH so sorry :(

  11. Oh honey how irritating! Well done you for not punching them in the face!! I totally agree with the bumps vs babbies. I can totally cope with babies (again unless in Dax's arms then I want to go and sob into a pillow) but bumps make me feel nauseous, sad and miserable. I am kinda trying to avoid seeing my mate, (the one that betrayed me!) until after she gives birth in April but not sure that's gonna cut it with her...!

  12. Kudos to you for not smacking them in the face.

  13. I've always wondered if you were referring to Harry Potter with those names.

  14. Not what you need to hear from friends. If it was that easy, you would be on seconds by now! Some people really don't get it, like they can't accept or understand there's a real medical issue going on.

  15. I am with you on babies being easier to handle than pregnant bellies. I'm not sure why that is.

    Also, I nominated you for the Liebster award.

  16. Oh so THAT'S what you guys are doing wrong! Not spending lots of money on fancy holidays where you can have lots of fancy holiday sex! Well, the path should be clear to you now. Thanks friends!


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