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That is me this year. I am feeling like a big old selfish cow-bag.
I love Christmas. I adore it. It has always been one of my favorite times of year. In years past I have got so very excited about buying just exactly the right thing for everyone and have scoured every shop in existence, I have got carried away and ended up spending far too much because I keep spotting the 'perfect' gift so someone gets three, I have spent hours handcrafting beautiful personal items for loved ones as well as handmade cards for my whole address book.
If truth be told I prefer giving presents to getting them. With the exception of some wonderful things a couple of people who know me really well have given me, I always find that the gifts I am given are not really as exciting as the buzz I get from getting it just right when I present my carefully chosen item. I am a giver, what can I say.
Well, that is until this year. This year I don't think I am a giver at all. I am utterly uninspired. I am not feeling the love or the urge to give.
I don't know if it is because all my energy is being drained by the infertility pit, or if I have pulled the covers so far over my head I am in a totally self-involved place but I am just feeling so grinchy. Although that is not entirely true. I am sort of enjoying the Christmas build up, it is just every time I try to get some Christmas shopping done I end up just buying things for me to 'cheer myself up' (or things for future Moon babies). I just don't feel very givey. I don't feel like I have anything to give.
We are on an economy drive anyway and my plan was to make gifts for everyone. Guess how far I have got with that so far... nowhere. I have done the grand total of nothing. Good grief I feel so useless. I am hoping that during the next few days I can summon up a little Christmassy giving spirit and get going on my festive preparations.
Bah humbug.
In other news, Remus has the norovirus. Lucky boy. So I have morphed from patient to nurse. I think we are better at it the other way around. He is a terrible patient because he refuses to actually give in and BE poorly. He just came out of the bathroom after heaving his guts out and said to me, 'I need some lunch, and then I have to walk the dog...' I have put him to bed with a cup of hot water at his side instead, that seemed to me to be a better idea. Men are so silly. I am not a very patient nurse like he is, more of a pushy matron.
Poor pups has the shortest end of the stick. I am still not feeling 100% so it is a short walk for her today.
I am feeling a little that way too. I keep thinking every penny spent is a penny less towards our house! Bah indeed! The cold and Knocked up Royals make me scowl too! Hope you all boot the Noro soon!
ReplyDeleteI feel like we should have a red cross on the door. The house feels all stuffy and poorly. I think I will have to do a deep clean once we are well again.
DeleteI hope Remus feels better soon. His dealing with sickness sound like my hubs, too. I hope that your Christmas spirit cheers up soon, or that you can find something to pull you from your slump. I know that can be hard to do.
ReplyDeleteI am hoping once we are both over this bug we will cheer up and start getting christmassy.
DeleteI think all men are bad patients...my husband refuses to admit when he's ill and then it lasts twice as long because he doesn't just take a day to be sick...silly man! Hope he feels better soon, and this is the first year I've been excited about the gifts I'm giving....No idea why, but definitely feeling it for the first time in a long while. Hoping this is just a one year slump for you!
ReplyDeleteI really hope so. Silly man ate too soon and so was sick again. I have had to force him to bed and tell him to be ill properly or he will never get better.
DeleteI just found your blog by following a comment in another blog. I hope that your husband feels better soon. I totally relate with you. I'm also a giver (are you on pinterest...? There are lots of ideas and it always gets me happy when I need a distraction.) This year I am slowly starting to look forward to Christmas time but I have to say it was hard because a year passed and we are still in the same place at this moment (I feel like Alice, running and running and not going anywhere).
ReplyDeleteWe are also going through infertility (unexplained), after approximately 2 years of trying (I stopped counting months, but we started on September 2010). We had our first IUI last October, and now we're heading for the second one.
Forcing myself to focus on the bright little things is what keeps me through. That and baking. I wrote about it here, here , and here and if you search my blog you'll find some other posts on that subject. I am afraid of words so I haven't come up with a specific label for this stuff, but it is all normally under the tags "family" or "where I rant". All the support from here to there, know that you are not alone in this.
Thank you so much for saying hi. I am looking forward to getting to know you better.
DeleteHaha, I love how Brits always use the term "poorly"... yeah, I feel your pain on the Christmas mirth, or lack thereof. In my case, it's just because I want December to be over with so I can get to my IVF in the new year, because apparently I'm not really living until I'm preggo. At least that's what my brain has decided. It also just feels kind of blah to put up all these decorations when only my hubby and I can appreciate them (and he's travelling until Xmas anyway, so it's really just me).
ReplyDeleteWhatever. Grinch it up, I say!
My brain and your brain seem to be on a similar wave length. It is almost as though my whole personality has gone into hibernation until I can be a mum.
DeleteThere used to be nothing more I loved than to give gifts. Like really special thought out gifts. Perfect gifts with the perfect wrapping. The glee I would see on the receivers face is all the thanks I would need. It was my crack-cocaine. This year? I've got nothing. I have nothing to give. Nothing. I'm hanging my hat on Xmas 2013. At least it gives me a year.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your Remus isn't feeling well. He's got a great nurse at his side. Lucky chap.
It is like you are inside my brain. OK, so 2012 is a wash out. Bring on the new year!!
DeleteI sort of quit caring about money. I used to rule with an iron fist... Now I buy lots of things to make myself feel better.failing miserably! Lol.. Debt getting bigger. No problem! The more I save the more I end up needing for all of these random emergencies! I too am bah hum bugging this year. I just don't have the energy.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping you and hubby feel better soon.
I want to go clothes shopping. I was putting it off because I kept thinking 'ah but I will need maternity clothes'. Sod that, I am out to buy some of the tightest jeans I can lay my hands on!
DeleteUgh, I am feeling nearly the same way this holiday season! You are not alone! I am just not in the mood, for so many reasons.
ReplyDeleteSorry Remus is sick. Praying you guys feel better soon. xoxo
I might just strike out this year and give it up for lost.
DeleteSince I refuse to buy my Christmas gifts at Wal.mart and my small town offers little else. I have been shopping online. And it's like every time I place an order for someone else I sneak in twice as much stuff for myself. What is that?
ReplyDeleteIt seems to be some kind of side effect of infertility that causes the need to numb the sad with treats.
DeleteMy love, you be selfish this year. I give you FULL permission and that is my homemade gift to you. You are a giving-giving-giving tree and the best thing you can give this year is yourself a little sanity.
ReplyDeleteMan I wish you lived closer so we could go for some retail therapy.
I love your gift, thank you my dear. I so want to go shopping with you.
DeleteJust found your blog and looking forward to following along. I have been trying to muster up some christmas spirit and it just isn't working. Although, I might just manage to get christmas cards out this year.
ReplyDeleteMy husband also refuses to just be sick. He'll have the flu and get up and go for a run or some nonsense. He thinks it's mental - if he believes he isn't sick then he won't be sick. The only thing that keeps him down is a migraine.