Last night Remus and I had an accidental heart to heart. I had not intended to at all, but suddenly, there we were, getting into the serious stuff. It started because I was feeling a little saucy when I got into bed, but then when we actually started 'doin' stuff', we both realised neither of us really truly felt like it and it petered out. As stated in the previous post, we are both so exhausted at the moment. Plus, I have neglected my lady like primping and preening for a week or two too many and he has not worn anything but combats and fleece jumpers for months. Man, we are a sexy couple. His beard was tickling my nose and I was aware that it was all a bit 70's in the downstairs department. We looked like an illustration from the original 'Joy of Sex'.
I lay there for a while tying to work out what was wrong. In the end I came to the conclusion that I just don't think either of us is trying hard enough. We are both a little (or a lot) depressed, we both know we love each other and want to be together, we both know that an unshaven face here and a pajamas all day there is not going to ruin us and so we just fudge along everyday, plod plod plod. But the thing is, there is no romance. Non. Zero. Nill. Zilch. Nada. We are romanceless. We are letting life slip into the boggiest of ruts, both standing still in our funk whilst the rest of the world speeds on past us.
I found it hard at first to tell Remus what I was thinking, because I did not want him to think I was putting all this at his door. I know it is absolutely 50/50. I take as much responsibility for the hole we are in as I am handing to him. So, first of all I tried to explain I was not attacking him or blaming him, and once I had done that I told him I was feeling a little forgotten about and taken for granted. I have asked that we have a few 'date nights' and worry a little less about blowing a few pounds here and there on doing fun things together. I want to eat more meals with a candle at the table instead of in front of the TV and I want to dress up for each other now and then. I want to remember why we started going out in the first place.
He listened and agreed with everything I said and I hope it went in. He did ask me today what I wanted for Christmas so something seems to have clicked. I am going to start thinking of nice ways to surprise him over the Christmas period, a meal here, an outfit there, a homemade card etc.
I also want to do a few things to treat myself.
Today I brought myself a few new clothes online and I also booked a full waxing session and a hair cut. I am even thinking of getting it dyed.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, after the heart to heart we had another crack at it..... and this time all was well! 70's beards and bushes notwithstanding.