I didn't realise trying for a baby was like asking for the moon on a stick. Infertility and all that jazz.

Tuesday 11 December 2012

Heart to Heart

via Etsy

Last night Remus and I had an accidental heart to heart. I had not intended to at all, but suddenly, there we were, getting into the serious stuff. It started because I was feeling a little saucy when I got into bed, but then when we actually started 'doin' stuff', we both realised neither of us really truly felt like it and it petered out. As stated in the previous post, we are both so exhausted at the moment. Plus, I have neglected my lady like primping and preening for a week or two too many and he has not worn anything but combats and fleece jumpers for months. Man, we are a sexy couple.  His beard was tickling my nose and I was aware that it was all a bit 70's in the downstairs department. We looked like an illustration from the original 'Joy of Sex'.

I lay there for a while tying to work out what was wrong. In the end I came to the conclusion that I just don't think either of us is trying hard enough. We are both a little (or a lot) depressed, we both know we love each other and want to be together, we both know that an unshaven face here and a pajamas all day there is not going to ruin us and so we just fudge along everyday, plod plod plod. But the thing is, there is no romance. Non. Zero. Nill. Zilch. Nada. We are romanceless. We are letting life slip into the boggiest of ruts, both standing still in our funk whilst the rest of the world speeds on past us. 

I found it hard at first to tell Remus what I was thinking, because I did not want him to think I was putting all this at his door. I know it is absolutely 50/50. I take as much responsibility for the hole we are in as I am handing to him. So, first of all I tried to explain I was not attacking him or blaming him, and once I had done that I told him I was feeling a little forgotten about and taken for granted. I have asked that we have a few 'date nights' and worry a little less about blowing a few pounds here and there on doing fun things together. I want to eat more meals with a candle at the table instead of in front of the TV and I want to dress up for each other now and then. I want to remember why we started going out in the first place. 

He listened and agreed with everything I said and I hope it went in. He did ask me today what I wanted for Christmas so something seems to have clicked. I am going to start thinking of nice ways to surprise him over the Christmas period, a meal here, an outfit there, a homemade card etc. 

I also want to do a few things to treat myself. 

Today I brought myself a few new clothes online and I also booked a full waxing session and a hair cut. I am even thinking of getting it dyed. 

Oh, and in case you were wondering, after the heart to heart we had another crack at it..... and this time all was well! 70's beards and bushes notwithstanding. 





26 comments:

  1. Ain't nothing wrong with a little 70's bush now and again :) Glad you guys had the heart to heart, it's always so god to keep checking in with each other. xoxo

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    1. I am rocking it I tell you! I am glad too, I nearly didn't say anything because I didn't want to upset him, but I am so glad I did.

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  2. Feeling unsexy is the worst, but at least it led to a good discussion. I have learned that I have to tell hubs rather than expect him to just know (crazy, eh?). He's a sweet boy, but men are just not intuitive like women. Hope your future day of pampering is just what you need.

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    1. Exactly, subtlety is never going to work.

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  3. You aren't alone! This mess can really take a strong hold on things. Im just in a funk and not in the mood.

    I feel so gross! Each cycle I end up gaining about 10 pounds. Im going to look like Gilbert Grapes mother soon... definitely not singing "Im sexy and I know it..."

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    1. I am on a bit of a mission to get my sexy on before Christmas. I once wrapped myself in nothing but a red bow for Remus, and I should do it again!!! Why not, there will be no time for that nonsense when we do finally manage to reproduce.

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  4. That necklace is amazeballs.

    I was thinking of getting a hair cut and a dye as well! Damn all you don't live closer.

    I am confident you and Remus will find yourselves in a different hole. (Yes, I took it there).

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    1. You totally took it there. And that is why I love you.

      I am not quite brave enough, I wish I was, but I have been coveting a Zooey fringe. Not quite sure I can pull it off with my amount of curl....

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  5. So glad you were able to have a heart to heart without hurt feelings or things devolving into an argument. Sex is a sticky thing in the land of IF so please don't feel that you are alone. Even the simple acknowledgement of wanting to try harder is brilliant.

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    1. I was really cautious how I broached it and I am so glad it ended in a bit of rumpy pumpy and not a screaming match. My hair cut is tomorrow and I am feeling like a change.

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  6. I desperately need a cut and dye. We have been in a funk in my household too, you are definitely not alone. Glad yours ended so well!

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    1. Dang hairdresser would not do anything drastic with my hair and I ended up with a tidy. She also said I was not to dye it because it is already the right colour for me. Humph. But I did buy some new clothes, so yey!

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  7. It's easy to get stuck in a romanceless rut after a few years together, and especially once IF comes into the picture. You're not alone! But I'm all for openness and honesty and am so glad you were able to have that heart-to-heart. It sounds like a successful chat, especially considering the way the whole night ended!

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  8. Yay for beards and 70s bush! So glad you talked about it without any upset or hurt feelings. We are in a similar place with regards to total lack of romance and I constantly feel unsexy. It's hard when you're being strict with money too cos you can't just go eff it lets go out and get glam. Here's hoping you can just enjoy each other for a bit!

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    1. I have been pants with money recently, I have been comfort spending a bit I think. Thank goodness Remus has a new job!

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  9. A heart to heart can be the best kind of foreplay ... I'm glad you two could reconnect, bushy bodies and all. Treat yourselves, and treat each other; you both deserve a little pampering.

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    1. That is so true, often I don't feel in the mood, we try, give up, have a chat, possibly a sob and a cuddle and then are all over each other. Interesting psychology somewhere there.

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  10. Aw, you guys are gonna be OK... everyone in this community goes through the romance-killing thing so at least you know you're not alone in suffering (that Joy of Sex comparison was hilarious, btw). I fully believe that date nights and candles and hair-maintenance are all crucial to keeping the magic alive. You have to feel a need to impress one another, still. Anyway, good luck with all of this... maybe read some 50 Shades of Grey and down a few hot toddies if it gets really hard. :)

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  11. LOL, you are too funny!!
    I think those are GREAT ideas! You go girl. It's not easy, but an effort makes it better.

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  12. I love you. You are great. I've been slacking in the grooming department as well. I can't hardly expect him to be attracted to me when I gross myself out. But exhausted just doesn't motivate sexy.

    I am so glad to hear you are going to be taking care of yourself and each other this holiday season. That is the best Christmas idea yet!

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  13. "We looked like an illustration from the original 'Joy of Sex'." Haha...I love it! You're brave to just put this out there. I think this is a totally normal thing, and not just with people who are TTC. Sometimes, you know, you'd rather just...sit on the couch in your PJs. That's how it goes.

    p.s. You said your getting a waxing, a hair cut, and a dye job. Hopefully you're considering dying the hair on your head? Although, I suppose that could spice things up just a little...

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    1. Brave, or just an exhibitionist with a faulty embarrassment chip.

      And now that you mention it, maybe I should look into a vajazzle....

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